My job.

I felt like super woman the other day. Not only did I manage to both shower and blow dry my hair (wow), I also supervised a play date with Adelle's cousin, Lexie, cleaned the house, did laundry, made cookies with two three-year-olds, got Baxter to take all his naps on schedule, went grocery shopping, walked the dog AND...made dinner (white chicken chili)! -with cornbread no less! Whoo-hoo!
What is most frightening about that list is how little I get done on one of my "more usual" days. It makes me start to wonder that I'm bi-polar or something. Sometimes all I manage in 24 hours is keeping everybody around here in the basic necessities while eating handfuls of food right out of the refrigerator and all without needing to change clothes to go to bed since I never got out of my pajamas.

Yes. Yes, Adelle. I deserve your look of disapproval.

Baxter is a sweet baby. He truly is. Jordan is convinced that he's fussy but that's because Jordan has never been really exposed to an actually fussy baby. We have been very blessed. But for all of the sweet, precious sleep Adelle gave us as an infant, Baxter is determined to take it back, chew it up, and spit it out at us by screaming non-stop between the hours of 1 and 5 am. That's the real reason I'm bipolar. Some nights I might get as many as 3 blissful hours of uninterrupted sleep. Some nights I might get 2. or just and hour and half.

It's a good thing he was born with this face.

So I've been living my life with this constant "As soon as Baxter starts sleeping through the night I will _____." Inserted in that blank is every missing piece of my dreary, sloppy, staggering attempt at motherhood. And here we are, six months in (which, admittedly is a lot earlier than some babies ever sleep through the night...) and he is awake and screaming and I am exhausted in ways I didn't know were possible.
I guess I'm just having a realization that a large part of motherhood (at least my experience with it) is just picking yourself up and dragging onward regardless of the fact that it means that you will resemble a zombie. Possibly forever. Because Baxter will never let me sleep again.

Here's hoping it doesn't mess these guys up too bad...