Too much information...

So after playing chicken with going into labor for like... A MONTH.... I finally manged to have this baby. Here's the story:

After all my family left I sat down with Jordan and had "the talk." We discussed where this baby was going to come from and how he was now officially my labor coach. He is completely mellow about this stuff. I felt like a trapeze artist doing a crazy stunt without a net. The net is my mommy. And she flew home on Tuesday.

Seriously, how was I supposed to get through this without her?

Needless to say I was distraught. But I was also still pregnant and miserable about it. I won't add to the volumes of whining I did on a regular basis during those last few weeks, suffice it to say that I haven't really slept since this baby was born a few weeks ago and I feel happier about being able to bend over/laying on my stomach/eating without feeling like puking/being in my body in general than I do about my lost sleep. In case anyone is considering it... PREGNANCY IS AWFUL. Except that, if you're me, in the end you get one of these:

So I guess it's pretty worth it.

Anyway, by Thursday I was ready for drastic measures. Not castor-oil desperate but actually seriously considering it for the first time. But I decided to try having my membranes stripped first. Which makes me think of hollowing out a pumpkin. But didn't involve anything that unpleasant. And I was apparently dilated to 4 and 75% effaced. whoo hoo. I remember thinking- "Early labor: check. Let's do active labor and get this over with!"

After my appointment I went to the store with Jordan and Adelle. We did a bunch of grocery shopping and I had contractions all along. I knew by now not to set much stock in them, but several did have me a little hunched over and breathing. After grocery shopping didn't produce true labor I was determined to walk more. So we went to Target. When that didn't really produce anything we ordered pizza for dinner (a spicy buffalo chicken pizza - another labor attempt...) and I proceeded to clean everything in the house. I vacuumed, mopped, scrubbed, did laundry, pretty much exhausted myself. Contractions where still going, but hadn't gotten longer or stronger or closer together. Adelle was in bed. I was rubbing my acupressure points and burning smelly chinese incense on them. I lit a candle, turned all the lights down. I thought since I couldn't actively fight my way into labor maybe I could relax my way into it. But I was feeling discouraged already. So I called my midwife Tonya and since she was at the birth center still I dashed over to have her check me. There hadn't really been any change. But the contractions were still coming and the thinking was that since early labor was over when I really got going the baby would come fast. So I promised them that if I had two contractions in a row that were really long and strong that I would call. So I went home.

Finally around 11:00 I was having contractions that took concentration to get through. They were over a minute long and 4 min apart so we called the midwives again and made a plan to meet at the birth center at midnight. I finally got to call my mother in law to come get Adelle so I could have a baby. I finally got to pack the car with my labor bag and the infant car seat. I remember doing all of those things and thinking finally, finally, finally! But part of me still didn't believe it was going to happen. I could just see myself driving home the next morning bawling because I was still pregnant. As we got out to the car we could hear frogs croaking - a detail I want to always remember, which Jordan thinks is kind of silly.

So we got the birth center and walked forever to try and get the contractions longer and stronger. I had to have antibiotics during labor for Group B Strep and made the foolish choice to try an IV Push. When they described it all I heard was it would only take 15 min instead of 30. They said I would have to hold still. who cares? I should! That's who! An IV Push means someone is literally pushing (holding in place) a needle in your arm for 15 minutes! It wasn't terrible or anything just really disconcerting. By 3:30 we were all sleepy. So we slept for an hour or so. Which was a relief I guess, but I was so anxious and frustrated that things weren't moving faster it was difficult to rest. I let Jordan sleep while I walked the halls with one of the midwives. I texted Ann, I sat on the birth ball, I did lunges, I jumped up and down a couple times... I got REALLY frustrated. and tired.

By 6:30 I was dilated to a 7 but hadn't effaced much more and the baby was still at -1 station (pretty high). So he wasn't pushing down hard enough to make things happen. They checked me again around 8 (we're talking 8 hours in at that point) and when things hadn't changed (my response being, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?) they asked me about breaking my water. I was really scared about that because after my water broke with Adelle (right before I started pushing) it got really intense really fast. My labor is so slow and gentle that I guess I wanted it to stay that way until the baby was out. Jordan's response was just, "Let's do it." Of course! it doesn't mean anymore pain for him. But he was right. I was getting truly exhausted now (thanks to trying to fight my way into labor) and needed to get that baby out.

Besides, he gets to spend most of my labor like this...

So my wise midwives broke my water by making just a tiny hole and letting the water out slowly and prevented that sudden intensity that I had with Adelle. I got in the shower for a while anticipating lots more pain and it didn't happen. I was just getting more tired and wanted to lie down. By the time I got to the bed things really did kick in. I get the shakes really bad in labor and this was the worst part for me. While I was laying there the midwife and 2 assistants were each trying to help me get still by stroking or holding different parts of me down. It's incredible how much work these women do. I had to have another IV (my third at this point) and they told me that I was dilated to an 8 in back but only a 7 in the front. WHAT? So I stayed on my hands and knees or any position leaning forward. I remember being in a strange position for one of them and yelling out, "I need someone to lean forward on!!" without even opening my eyes. One of the midwife assistants, Nadia, just threw herself in front of me and when I opened my eyes I realized that she had just gotten on the floor and contorted herself in some crazy way so that she could support me. These women were amazing. They truly wore themselves out for me. I was having Jordan count to me during my contractions and he was sitting on the bed next to me holding my hands, er, while I squeezed the life out of his hands. My eyes were shut and all of the sudden Jordan stopped counting. I felt light headed and I barked at Jordan, "I can't hear you! Count. COUNT!" I heard Tonya say something about smelling salts and I thought, "Great, I'm going to pass out." But instead I opened my eyes just as Jordan was coming to and he slurred, "I think I'm going to pass out...." They chuckled and began insisting that we both eat some electrolyte infused thing that was like a giant square gummy bear. I remember thinking over and over as the pain got worse and worse that I just wanted to be ready to push! with every contraction I would think, "Now! Let's be ready to push NOW." But it felt like it took an eternity. I was standing beside the bed leaning forward, facing Jordan as he laid across it and it finally happened. I was ready to push. I didn't think about it as the midwives put absorbent pads on the ground all around me all I could think about was getting the baby out!

Then I had a moment identical to one I had during my labor with Adelle. I guess it must be when the baby's whole body really hits the birth canal or something but when I feel the real size of that body and realize that it's supposed to come out of my body... It's shocking. And preposterous. If I weren't in so much pain and completely exhausted I would have laughed. My instinct is to just throw up my hands and tell everyone to go home because no way am I going to push this huge thing out of me. It's not that I don't want the baby out or that I won't try. I'm happy to try. Here watch me try. It's just that I can't defy the laws of physics. Sorry guys. Guess I'm pregnant forever... nevermind I'll try harder!

And blammo just like that I had a baby. Standing up even. Which is not so considerate of the people who actually deliver the baby. Did I mention they are amazing?

They immediately asked me to get on the ground so I didn't pull on the cord. He was laying on a pillow very still. Completely limp actually and he was blue. I remember someone saying, "Talk to your baby, Mama get him to wake up." And Jordan was telling me how I had done it and that he was so perfect. All I could think was "That baby is blue. and not moving. and so BLUE." And that's when the resuscitator came out and everyone's voices got serious. No one was panicked. But just serious. And then I heard them on the phone and realized they were calling an ambulance. No sooner did that idea wash over me than I noticed a pool of blood was creeping past my knees and Nadia blurted, "You're experiencing excessive bleeding. You might feel a pinch." as she shoved a syringe in my thigh. Right about then I started to completely lose it. The baby's not breathing I'm bleeding what is going on!? Somehow Jordan was still calm as ever. I did not feel calm. And in some kind of half prayer/demand I yelled out, "Oh, God!" because I wanted to be sure he was paying attention to me if something terrible was going to happen with my baby I was going to need His help. And really I was going to need an explanation. And suddenly he took a breath and made a kind of gurgley cry. And relief like I have never known flooded me. He just had the difficulty breathing that 1 in 5 babies experiences. Tonya explained that he was still receiving oxygen through the cord and that his heart rate the whole time was perfect. All said and done the whole ordeal only last a little over a minute. Longest minute OF MY LIFE.
They turned the ambulance around as soon as it got there. It was nice that it got there so fast, and nicer not to need them at all. They got us wrapped up and back in bed but that's when the shaking really started. I passed the baby off to Jordan because my arms were so jittery I couldn't trust my own grip. The midwives were all action at that point cleaning up and checking us out and getting me to eat something. Finally when things calmed down and I was enjoying my endorphin high I sent Jordan off to get something to eat. He had passed out after all and he was not interested in the apple bran muffins and oranges I brought. On his way out the receptionist congratulated him and he said, "Look this is all just too much for me so... I'm just gonna go." Tonya who was standing nearby said, "Ok we'll just put your wife and new baby on a bus." Jordan responded, "No I'll leave cab fare. It's the right thing to do." The receptionist looked at Tonya with eyes wide and mouth gaping, "Is he serious?" No. He's Jordan.

I feel like I had the best birth. Again. I'm so lucky to be able to deliver at this place with these people. I feel like women who have to deliver babies any other way are missing out. And I'm so blessed to have a healthy baby and healthy body. That little moment as Baxter was born has really helped me appreciate the other possibilities in this scenario and the blessing that I get to experience this one.

Allison on the left and Tonya on the right holding Baxter at his 6 week appointment.